How do you explain your love to someone who doesn’t trust you.
I get in a lot of cases it because you gave them a reason not to trust you. But even the reason is half fucking stupid. You know when you offer to do something for someone just cause it seems like a nice thing to do when you have no intent on doing it and your 100% sure that person wouldn’t take you up on the offer. Or, when you say something to someone just because its the easiest thing to say because saying it prevent ugly arguments.
Thats what i did. I don’t remember all the things i said. They were the kinda of messages you don’t think about, you just send and forget. It was over. Dead and gone. No chance or picking it up and to be truthful i didn’t want to be with her anymore. It was so hard but in hein sight the relationship was missing so much. It had no spark or passion. We hadn’t had sex in..months. We stopped having fun, we stopped affection. It was over before it was over really. So as time goes on you go through the motions. You say you miss each other, you say you wish it was different, but you only say those things to be civil. Cause when you try to be a good person its just the right thing to say. I think i remember offering to mow her lawn or something cause she moved to a dodgy neighbourhood. There was no chance in hell i would be mowing her lawn…but it comes up in conversation so id offered under the assumption that i would never actually have to do anything. It just made things easy.
And low and behold after the fucked break-up you just so happen to find the girl of your dreams. And she is so amazing that she makes you realise every relationship you had prior was childs play compared to what she gives you. And 1 day she has a look at your phone and see’s all the stupid messages you sent. Those send and forget messages turn from just trying to do the right thing my a person you have no intention of ever committing to again into the foundation of all the reasons your amazing lover starts to not trust you
and fair enough i say. I really have no problem she went through my phone. i didn’t think twice about the messages and never considered them as something wrong that i should hide or anything like that. All she see’s is the guy she loves send this shit to his ex.
I can’t deny it happened. But its borderline impossible to try any explain that they mean nothing cause at the end of the day it just sounds like some bullshit excuse. Then for the rest of your life any kinda of small interaction intended or not is perseved as doing the wrong thing. 1 day she parks next to me in the car park. Just so happens to be a day I’m parked like a blind man and she fucking squeezes in next to me like a proper cunt (lol).
Once you drop the ball and give them that tiny reason to question what you say it doesn’t matter how much you love her, how honest or faithful you are she will always question it…Fucking gay!
It all brings me to know when all your actions are legitimate and honest without any untoward intentions. How do you prove that or explain that when you have already fucked the trust up over something that was really just a big bunch of stupid unlucky shit.
Side note - I really fucking love this girl. I would chop off my lips, hands, arms, and dick just to prove that i never need a woman other then her. Emotionally there is nothing that matches to her, but its even the same sexually. I feel like its would be easy to love someone, but you still have like a celebrity crush that you’d wanna bang. I don’t even have that. My wildest dreams, fantisys, desires and fetishes are all satisfied by her. I think thats something pretty special. To me it feels like something pretty special.
I don’t plan on reading this ever. Its more of a way to just dump my thoughts out so i don’t sit and stew on them all night and drink myself into a como. So, most of it probably doesn’t make sense, but it is really nice to get some of it down.
In closing, im fucking crazy about this woman, and i really need to get my shit together and just not give her, or anyone else for that matter any reason to question that love. When that trust breaks down you have to spend a fucking life time fixing it. Id happily spend i life time with her.
With all my bullshit luck, maybe ill catch a break and will get my life time with her. Love you bubbi